Surgery

7:30 am: OR nurses come to collect us to take us to the PACU--not yet certain what that stands for. B is excited to go for an elevator ride and asks to push the buttons.
7:46 am: Dr Cho, our surgeon, comes over to talk with us. Two anathesologists join her to answer our questions.
7:52 am: Nurses inquire which one of us wants to go in. :ubby is braver than I--or at the very least is better at masking it in front of B-- and scrubs up. They are the last father and child team to go through the swinging doors. I am left alone in the PACU with the nurses. They fold up the screen walls, stack the chairs and smile encouragingly at me.
8:17 am: B just went into surgery for a nephrectomy (sp?). The CT scan on Friday revealed that the tumour is contained within the right kidney (and thank God has not spread anywhere else), so she has gone under the knife to remove the whole kidney, since the tumour is already infected 50 to 70 percent of the kidney.Felt very strange to sign over the rights to remove one of my daughter's bodyparts. Doesn't even belong to me and here I am signing off on it. Anyways, the surgery is scheduled for six hours, so we are looking at a long day ahead of us.
We were fortunate enough to get a pass to go home for the weekend, so B had a great couple of days swimming with cousins, eating watermelon with her grandparents, spending Father's Day at home and sleeping in her own bed. We came back to CHEO last night to prepare for today. B is growing wise to the nurses and IV techs, but has otherwise remained her superstar self. Amazing how powerful princess stickers can be. Hubby wonderas what the hospital's sticker budget must be. Not surprising of him!
Now we must wait to hear how the surgery is going and it is just 8:58 am....

Ps: please excuse my unedited messages. Am typing this on Hubby's blackberry and I have yet to develop any sort of texting skills.

Hera

The following piece is by a guest blogger. I leave these words in his capable hands:

Hera, or more commonly known under its masculine form, Hero, can be defined as follows:

One who, seen by the eyes of another, is seen to possess courage, bravery and strength in the face of adversity.

For some of us, we may strive all of our lives to be seen as a Hera or Hero in the eyes of a young one. For others, we may search all our lives to find our very own Hera or Hero to look up to. The true Heras and Heroes, however, are those who accomplish this without even trying. For me, it took 32 years to find one such person.

If someone had asked me two weeks ago who my Hero was, it would have required a pause and a hum, perhaps to come up with some answer. Today, there is no doubt in my mind.

This individual possesses Courage. Without a doubt, she’s displayed courage day in and day out. Courage, to me, is one’s ability to face adversity head on. This Hera never misses a beat. It doesn’t matter what she is faced with, she’ll muscle through it and won’t make a big deal of it.

This individual possesses Bravery. Again, it doesn’t matter what she faces, she marches on, or over (whatever the case may be) and moves on to something else. Bravery, as defined by yours truly, is one’s ability to face fears and overcome them for the better good of those around.

This individual possesses Strength. Strength, as far as I’m concerned, is the ability to muscle through or march over adversity when those around you break down and can’t carry on. This person demonstrated she could do that time and time again.

Now, some of you might say you know tones of people that possess these qualities. For me, I only know one person that possesses these qualities and has demonstrated them consistently and without selfishness. What makes this person a true Hera is the fact that she’s accomplished all of that, with no effort, by the age of two and a half.

For those that are current on this blog, you already know that our daughter has been diagnosed with a form of kidney cancer. Given the circumstances, I had the privilege to stay by her side throughout her stay at the hospital. I say privilege because I got to see her do things that I would never imagine myself doing, let alone a two year old.

It didn’t matter what test she was about to take, she went in there with a smile; and came out with one, too. Eventually, she caught on to some of the procedures and knew what she was in for. With a few words of reason and buckets of Courage and Bravery, she marched on and got through it. More importantly however, is her Strength. She marched on, even when mom and dad broke down. Telling them everything was going to be ok and that they shouldn’t cry.

‘Have a Kleenex and, as daddy would say, suck-it-up Princess.’

And she didn’t do it just once. Her heroism, and her smile, managed to put us back together more than once.

I am one proud father, and one day, when you read this, know that you couldn’t have given me a better Father’s Day gift.

You’re my Hera, you’re the reason I stop crying and I love you.

Normalcy

More than anything, I wish I could rewind life, turn back time to last week, when our little world was normal and ordinary and bordering on simple. Normalcy, however, has gone out the window and I wonder if it will ever come back. Basically, we went into CHEO yesterday to run some tests on B's suspected urinary tract infection and instead came out today with a diagnosis for a cancerous tumour on her kidney.

Were you SHOCKED by what you just read? Did the mention of the BIG C make you freak out just as much as we are currently FREAKING out? Did it STOP you in your tracks, fill you with DREAD and leave you feeling like you have NO IDEA where to go from here? Well, that's where we are right now. We are devastated. We are awash with overwhelming emotions and unanswered questions. Tonight our lives were changed forever. We heard the news that no parent wishes to EVER hear about their child.

I just got home from a long--and unexpected--day at the hospital, leaving behind two of the three people in the world who mean the most to me. My husband (who experienced cancer as the son of a survivor and now experiences it again as the father of a patient) and my sweet, innocent little girl (who hasn't the foggiest idea about any of this. She thinks she is having a nice sleepover with Daddy at the hospital. She isn't even in pain, so is a little unclear as to why she is there), who is utterly undeserving of this shitty news.

I am heartbroken. I just endured the longest and most lonely car ride ever. Do you believe in pathetic fallacy? I do, now. The world wept right along with me as I drove home; Avie cooing quietly in the backseat, completely oblivious to the tears coursing down my face.

The medical story is a long one, but the short of it is this--Brooke looks to have a sizable mass on her right kidney. The doctors suspect it is a Wilm's tumour (?), which is apparently quite operable and has a very good prognosis of being cured with surgical removal and/or chemo. We meet with the encologists in the morning to discuss when the surgery is slated to take place and what the treatments will likely entail. We pray for the best. We could use your prayers, too. Thank you in advance.

The upside? Other than the blood in the urine (which is why a bladder or urinary tract infection was suspected), Brooke has no other symptoms. Her bloodwork has come back negative for whatever it is they test for in bloodwork, so she seems fine on that account. She has no abdominal pain, no fever, no vomiting, nothing else. Perhaps we have caught it in time? She's bouncing on hospital beds, giggling about party hats (it's her twin cousins' 4th birthday today--Happy Day Gracie and Dilly Dog!) and playdoh. Frankly, this toddler normalcy is what makes this whole ordeal all the more scary and surreal.

My kid looks healthy. She acts healthy. But she is not healthy. And, it is a good thing we went with our gut and brought her to CHEO yesterday afternoon, rather than wait for her scheduled ultrasound in September. They took our complaints seriously and more tests were run. Luckily, we had an ultrasound scheduled within 12 hours, but it's really never a good sign when things move that quickly.

Now, I just wish for last week, when my greatest worry was what to make for supper.

I wish for last week when the most exciting thing I had to post about was our first crop of strawberries.

I wish for last week, when I was busy planning the family bbq we were going to have this Saturday, in honour of the twin's birthday, our wedding anniversary and Father's Day.

Most of all, I desperately wish that it was yesterday and Brooke was asleep in her bed, just 15 feet away from me.

P.S.: July 17--Some of you may be wondering why we chose to relay this news in a blog post. Hubby and I agreed that making the announcement via blog was one way of avoiding having to repeat the story to everyone individually. As you can imagine, the telling of it has already become quite tiresome. So, I apologize for the rather blunt way of sharing our announcement, but there you go.

As for the latest news: A CT scan is scheduled to take place tomorrow morning, after which much should be revealed. We should know soon what kind of tumour we are facing, but it looks like surgery will be taking place early next week. As for Brooke, she is her usual happy-go-lucky self, charming both CHEO staff and other patients alike with her adorable antics.

Thank you again for your thoughts, everyone.

Simple things

Children--and the sheer joy they find in the small stuff--make you really appreciate the simple things in life. Here's a list of some of the simple summer things we've been taking advantage this summer and hope to enjoy more of over the next couple of weeks:

• frosted glasses of lemonade
• sunset bike rides
• hula hoops
• sun shower rainbows
• kite flying
• dollar-store pinwheels
• sidewalk chalk
• facepaint
• hammock swinging
• roasted beer chicken
• seashell-pink toenail polish
• a new shovel and pail in the sandbox
• flashlight tag
• strawberry picking
• freshly mown grass
• beachballs on the trampoline
• neighbourhood block parties
• propane cooking
• pockets full of posies
• buttercups and daisies
• bonfires
• fresh garden salads and homemade dressings
• city playgrounds
• water balloons
• ice cream parlour
• bike streamers
• patio lanterns and tiki torches
• writing names with sparklers
• skip-its, yoyos and bouncy balls
• last-minute and no-occasion family reunions
• dirt-dusted radishes
• temporary tattoos
• watermelon wedges
• watercolour painting on picnic blankets
• tropical-scented bug spray
• fireflies
• cannonballs in the pool
• wriggling worms on fishing hooks
• watering cans and petunias
• mini-marshmallow, Smartie and Cheerio mix (B's favourite!) on the front porch
• Saturday morning swims
• impromptu soccer tournaments
• homemade jello popsicles
• farmer's markets
• puddle hopping
• butter melting on corn cobs
• bubble blowing
• dripping peanut-butter parfaits
• butterfly chasing and twin racing
• tractor rides
• dandelion wishing
• croquet on the lawn
• sundresses and sandals
• Beach Boy music on the radio
• lazy summer evenings and clear, starlit nights on the back deck

Hope this list reminds you of the summers of your own childhood and inspires you, dear readers, to enjoy some simplicity this week during what happens to be some of the longest days of the year. Remember, for kids, fun is relative. It's not what you are doing that makes a summer day memorable, but rather, that you did it together. Happy Midsummer's Week!

Berry poor farmers

We didn't move to the country to become farmers, but with this much land surrounding us, it seemed inevitable that we would try our hands at 'growing' our own groceries. We always had a small veggie garden and a substantial pumpkin patch in town. Last year, ambitious as we were, we planted tons of veggies (even sowing a few rows of corn and a patch of sunflowers)--all of which did pretty poorly. Too much rain and too little human attention meant that our garden was overrun with weeds taller than our toddler. It was kind of sad. We promised to be better farmers this year.

And, in spite of my better judgement, I even allowed Hubby to bring home some chicks to raise and fatten up over the summer. Yup. We got chickens--nine meat hens and four laying ones, all living in our hen house slash tool shed. (An aside: We had two other meat hens, but we lost 'em last week. No idea if they were eaten by a woodland predator; chased away by Fergus, our orange tabby; or simply wandered away from the coop and the food supply. Chickens are not the brightest creatures--and we are still pretty pathetic farmers.)

Originally, Hubby wanted goats or sheep, but he settled for chickens. Although I did not want anything to do with the stinky fowl, the thought of tender, organic meat and fresh eggs was very appealing. That, and I rather enjoy my Hubby's begging--and telling him "I told you so" with regard to the fowl smell (pun intended).

In the end, I made him a deal that as long as I was not expected to feed or care for the beasts, he could have 'em.

But back to our garden. B and I went out to the field on Wednesday to check on our plants and were delighted to discover that the strawberry plants we put in last year have finally bore fruit! I showed B how to pick the little red gems and we both enjoyed the juicy ''farsies'' or ''farberries'' as she calls them (her take on combining the words "strawberries" and "fraises" together) right there and then. They were scrumptious!

I hope that some diligent pruning around our strawberry plants will increase our first summer crop. I would love to make some jam. I can almost taste the jam melting into the nooks and crannies of an English muffin or bubbling out of a heart-shaped cutout in a tiny tart...yummy!

Friday is laundry day

Well, actually, every day is laundry day here at our house. Sure, toddlers and babies create laundry enough for several loads, but anyone who has met me knows I am just as apt to make a mess as the under-three set. Mustard, much as I love the spicy condiment, seems to hate me. Either that, or it really likes my t-shirt collection....

Anyhoo, I often take advantage of warm and sunny days to put the laundry on the line. Much more eco-friendly, and frankly, I love the smell of sunshine and a fresh breeze on the clothes. Since it has been raining pretty much every day this week, today seemed like an ideal day to get the sheets done. So, I popped them in the washer this morning and took the girls outside on the back deck.

Well, I didn't have the first pair of socks on the line yet, when B asked the inevitable question:

''Mommy, can I help you work?''

I smiled. First of all, I love that she understands that keeping house and doing dull but necessary chores is in fact work. Second, I appreciate that she wants to help me in whatever way she can.

Y'see, toddlers are very helpful creatures. Unfortunately, they don't necessarily have the dexterity or attention span to help out for long. They are often distracted by the task at hand, or grow bored or frustrated and wander away. Sadly, kids grow out of the helpful state just as they are able to start doing more complex things around the house, so you really must take advantage of the help when it is offered to you.

However, much as I hate to discourage the girl from household chores (let's face it--I hope to offload 'em all onto her eventually!), the clothesline is really too high up for her. She would have to climb up onto an unsteady lawn chair to clip the little buggers into place. At the very worst, she might topple off the side of the deck and hurt herself. At the very least, she would take FOREVER to clip each and every pin to the sheets. Hmmmm.

Compromise? I handed her a small basket, and with her, went around the house collecting baby dolls. We stripped the shocked dollies of their clothes and bedding and tossed the garments into the laundry bin. I even threw in some of Avie's facecloths and socks for variety's sake.

We then strung up a cord between two patio chair legs. I filled up B's water table with warm soapy water and a scrub brush. Finally, I handed her a bowl full of clothespins and she went to town.

She washed all of the lovely ladies' clothes (''Baby peed on this dress and Other Baby spilled ketchup on her skirt'' she explained as she scrubbed at the stains) and then hung 'em up to dry in the sunshine, just like Mommy was doing.

She played 'laundry' for an hour. I, on the other hand, finished hanging the sheets within five minutes. I then grabbed my Kindle and spent a lovely 55 minutes in the shade with Avie, pretending to read. But, I barely glanced at the words. I couldn't help watching my two-year-old little mommy 'at work,' my heart swelling with pride and joy. She gets it. And, I am so lucky to have gotten her. Love you, B.

How to make a fairy garden--or How to make lemonade from ugly flowers

So, as we do each Victoria Day weekend, Hubby and I took the girls to the nursery to go get our veggies and annuals (we always plant our vegetable patch and our flowerbeds on the Monday). I picked out my usual assortment of pink, purple and white bachelor buttons, petunias, violets, and Easter bonnets. B, however, wanted orange marigolds. Not exactly the colour scheme I was going for (and frankly, not my favourite flower, either), but much as I would like to deny it, the kid has me wrapped around her little finger, so a flat of the ugly little flowers was added to the batch.

Where to put the dreadful little orange puffs? I decided we would make B her very own fairy garden. This way, she gets to plant and decorate her own pot of flowers and I don't have to find some corner of the garden to place the marigolds. So, while she was napping, I gathered a few craft supplies from around the house and some itsy bitsy odds and ends to make a fairy abode. When she woke up, we planted her garden in a large pot. She was delighted!



Here's what we used:

- A flat of marigolds

- A large terracotta pot

- Some soil and water for planting

- A plastic plant sign

- Pinecones, seashells, river rocks (could also use twigs, acorns, maple seeds, tree bark curls, wood chips or dried leaves)

- Plastic crystal 'jewels' for a magical effect (could also use marbles or mirrored craft pieces)

- Dollhouse furniture (we used white wire patio furniture, but you could easily use plastic dollar store furniture or homemade furniture--think popsicle sticks and glue)

- A cocktail umbrella and cocktail pinwheel (could also use wired craft dragonflies or butterflies)

- Some feathers

- Self-adhesive jewels and stickers (could also use glued-on buttons, wooden charms, foam shapes)

- A string of beads

- Some little bits from around the house (in our case, broken Christmas tree ornaments care of B and the Grant twins. Thanks kids.)

If you plan to paint your pot, do so first. Let it dry fully before planting your flowers. This is something you can get the kids to do before naptime. By the time they wake up, the pot is ready to be used.

Then, simply remove the flowers from the flat and gently divide them up into pieces. Plant the flowers close together, leaving enough space either up front or in the centre of the pot for the 'fairy garden' decorations.

Pack down the soil surrounding the flowers so that it is not too loose to work with. Lay down seashells, river rocks, tree bark or marbles in the empty space, creating a solid base for the furniture to rest on.

Then, add the dollhouse furniture or whatever creations you have come up with (think silk flower canopies, winecork furniture, tiny twig birdhouses, leaf hammocks or even mini-teepees) to the empty space. You might need to glue the furniture in place if they are too lightweight. (You don't want the wind whisking away your fairy's bed!)

Decorate the outside or rim of the flower pot to fit with your fairy theme--whether it be traditionally natural (in the style of woodland fairies or Tinkerbell) or bright and colourful like B's.

Finally, make a little signpost to welcome the little critters to their new flower bower and poke it into the soil. Be sure to water the plants regularly and keep an eye out for your new friends!