You ever had one of those days when you felt totally productive, totally content with how the day turned out, how much you got accomplished in the time allotted? Like the day didn’t get away from you this time—you were in total control of how it played out and completely wiped the floor with the to-do list. Then, you just kicked back with a cocktail (in my case, cranberry juice and raspberry vodka, natch!) and actually enjoyed the remainder of the day?
Well, I had that type of day last Sunday. I worked all morning, cleaned both girls’ bedrooms, folded and put away laundry, tidied up the house and prepped a kick-ass dinner (home-grown bbq chicken, broccoli coleslaw and grilled tomatoes with cheese and basil, for those interested). Then, I started grooming Dealer on the back porch (he was waaaaaaay beyond due for a haircut), when my hubby finished tilling the garden and rescued me from the tedious job, so I could push Brooke on the swings. After a while and a check-in on our napping Aviecakes, I just laid back in the sunshine, petting the dog and watching my family do their thang around me. It was awesome. Not a worry or a 'I-should-be-doing-_______' thought on the horizon. I need more of those days. Lately, it seems that that feeling of complete serenity has been just beyond my grasp. Which is exactly why I needed to comment on it.
I’ve been back to work for a year and a week now, and for about that same amount of time, I have felt harried. That’s the best word for it. Harried by my own imaginary to-do list. Things that need doing now, things that need doing this week, things that need doing if I ever find the time. I never seem to find the time.
What’s worse is the fact that much of it is my own doing. I keep adding things to the list! I take on new projects and get involved with new communities all the time because I love it. As harried as I feel at home, I love being socially active with my kids—involved in their recreational activities, in volunteering and fundraising and party planning. I love feeling part of our community and taking part in the activities that make our area a great place to live.
And, I really and truly do love my varied interests--even if I simply never have the time to enjoy them. Photography, scrapbooking, crafting, blogging, even reading my favourite magazines (which have piled up in the living room with nary a page turned) have fallen by the wayside.
Honestly, I love looking at my calendar and seeing it full of Make-a-Wish meetings, CHEO radiothons, arm charm events, ballet dress rehearsals and school talent shows—makes me feel like a full-fledged soccer (er...swimming?) mom—but sometimes it leaves me exhausted, thinking of the guest blogspots I’ve promised to produce and the 9-cent-photo-sales I missed because I couldn’t sit down long enough to download the pics.
Months ago, before Christmas, I think?--I cut my hair—took off 12 inches and had the stylist braid the shorn locks into a tail for me to send to a cancer organization that specializes in creating wigs for children. I carefully wrapped the tail in tissue paper and a Jean Coutu plastic bag and I have been faithfully carrying it in the pocket of my LuLuLemon bag every day for about two months now. Every day, I plan to take it to the post office to send away, and still I cannot seem to cross that tiny task off the list. Forget blogging—I barely have time for buying stamps!
So, for this Mother’s Day, I’m wishing for more time. And more patience and personal acceptance for the things I cannot accomplish and must put aside for another day. For the ability to better prioritize my life and organize my time. For the realization that I cannot be everywhere, doing everything. Either that, or to hire someone to prepare kick-ass bbqs while I kick back with a cocktail! Sheesh.
