5:27 am and awake

I have this very annoying habit. I'm a pretty light sleeper, so the minute one of the kids even so much as coughs, I'm awake. Tonight, at precisely 3:30 a.m., Avie lost her souce and started crying.

Gave her a few minutes to see if she would go back to sleep on her own, but after 10 mins, I realized she wasn't going to and the whimpering was quickly escalating into full-out cry. Before she got there, I went in, sneaked the souce back in. Too late--now she needed to be cuddled a moment. A few pats on the back and laid her back down. Done.

Back to bed. Except, now I am awake. And, I've started thinking, worrying--about all kinds of things. I look at the clock. Suddenly, it's 4:30 a.m., and I'm still awake. Tossing and turning and just unable to get back to sleep.

I try to clear my mind. Get up out of bed, pour cold water on my hands. Nada. It's 5:00 now. I'm annoyed because I can't sleep--more annoyed that my husband is sleeping soundly and doesn't even bother to wake up to share in my discomfort. Logically, of course, I don't really want this. Why should he have to suffer? But, somewhere in my head, I want him to roll over and say something and sympathize with my situation. I sit up, throwing back the covers and making frustrated sounds. Nothing from him. Not even a stir.

I walk into the living room to get some cool air into my system (I once read an article about insomnia that mentioned that coolness helps people get to sleep, hence the water and air.) and to avoid waking him while I try to distract myself enough to go back to sleep. I see the glow of the laptop from the dining room where I've left it open, and sigh.

Might as well check e-mails. I need to get out of my own headspace anyways. Checked e-mail, checked FB messages, read some new posts on my fave blog sites. Now, it's 5:34 a.m. and I'm not certain if I am getting drowsy or more awake. I'm hoping that my body temp has cooled down enough to sleep and my mind will relax enough to just accept it.

Otherwise, I'm going to pay for this in the morning. And, tomorrow is chemo day. Although Hubby will be taking her, I'll be at home with Avie--and she rarely naps, so I can't count on her to let me catch up any lost sleep through the night.

Am I the only one this ever happens to?